Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Teaser Tuesday!

From my recently completed novel, Timekeeper.

“Will you tell me about Connor?” I whispered. I hadn’t forgotten that day in the gym. But I felt like the words were made of glass; too fragile to bring out at just any opportunity.

The van jolted and as Alex yelled back, “Sorry! Bus with nuns!” I windmilled in the air for a second before falling flat on top of Neil.

He made a surprised “whuff” noise when I hit and knocked the air out of him, but his arms opened automatically and he hugged me to him.

I said, "Sorry," but anything else I might have added was cut off as Neil squeezed me to him like a kid grabbing onto its teddy bear when the night-light goes out for the first time. He was even stronger than he looked and I gasped for breath, but quietly. I didn’t want him to hear me and feel like he had to let me go.

We lay there for a long time, the sound of the engine drowning out our breath and jolts from the bad suspension making it difficult to fall asleep. Neil didn’t say anything, and I didn’t either. I was too afraid to break the moment, and I felt in a strange way that maybe Neil was answering my question in the only way he could.


indie-grrl said...

Oh my gosh, wow. This is really, really fantastic! I love the ending, about Neil. I don't actually know who he is, but I really want to know.

Btw, "Bus is nuns!" made me laugh out loud :) Awesome teaser.

Jules said...

Jusut beautiful! I am extremely impressed. My only suggestion would be to take out the second "whisper" and put "said." Actually, I guarantee when this goes through editing they'll tell you to change both "whispers" to "saids" so you could do that now, if you wanted. :)

Overall, however, you managed to make a small moment very profound, and the last line, despite not being grounded in the story, just took my breath away. Excellent work!